Lost In the Prairies.....Found by God

It is that time again.  Time to forget the past year.  Time to focus on the future.  An old year is almost gone and a new year is upon us.  Time for new goals and a new word to focus on.  

This last year has been one of struggle.   It has been full of trials.  We have struggled with depression.  We continue to live with autism.  We have been under attack and have struggled to see the light.  The dark has been overwhelming.  I have been running around with a lack of purpose or direction.  I am in constant survivor mode.  

Last year my focus word was Contentment.  It was a good word for the year.  I read books on joy, blessings and hell.  I did the Good Morning Girls studies of Ephesians, Colossians, and Proverbs 31.  All of these helped me to focus on true Contentment.  They helped me to realize my addiction to things and having things.   My wanting for something more.  I have learned what true joy is.  I have learned the difference between living in the light and living in the darkness.  I have come to terms with some aspects of my life and have learned to accept what has been placed before me.  It doesn't mean I have to like it though.  It doesn't mean everything is becoming perfect and rosy   In fact, the one thing that I have learned this year is that I'm messy.  

No, I am not talking about "messy" in the sense that my house is a mess and my kids are a mess.  I am talking about being a "Hot Mess."  I am not in control.  I am not perfect.  Things are hard.  Messy is defined as marked by confusion; disorder; lacking precision  extremely unpleasant or trying.  This pretty much sums up my life.  I think it pretty much sums up everybody's life I know.  We are all messy.  None of us is perfect.  I have friends who suffer from depression, anorexia, children who suffer from numerous health issues, marriage struggles, family crisis, child molestation, ...  I could go on, but I think you get my point.  

I struggle when I see people with supposed perfect lives try to preach their lives to others.  I want authenticity.  I want honesty.  I want people to know about the mess and know that it will not defeat me.  I want people to know who is fighting my battles with me and for me.  I want people to see that none of us is perfect.  We don't have to respond that we are "fine" when we aren't.  It's ok to say "I'm alive."  It should be enough.  

We all come from a long line of messies too.  The Bible is full of them.  I ran across the following picture last year on Pinterest.

This list represents just some of the messy people in the Bible.  God used them all.  God loved them all just where they were and just for what they were - themselves.  I heard the best explanation of this philosophy on the Survivor Finale by Lisa Whelchel.  She talked about the internal struggle that we are both good and bad and God loves us anyway.  God loves us just where we are.  We need to accept that and stop trying to be perfect or to be perceived as perfect.   That doesn't mean that God doesn't want our best, but each of our best is different.  We need to be about acceptance not judgement.  We need to focus Up and not Out.  

If you are still wondering what my word is, it is Messy.  I'm going to focus on the messy people of the Bible and how God used them.  I'm going to focus on authenticity and honesty.  I'm going to embrace my beautiful mess and see how it makes me me.  I can't wait.  I hope you join me on the journey, mess and all.  

Have you picked a word to focus on in the new year?  What are you thoughts of messiness?  Come link up with the Java Junkies this week and share your randomness.

The last 2 years I have chosen a word to focus on regarding my walk with God.  I pray about it a few weeks before each New Years.  In 2010, I choose "Submission."  I realized I was trying to control everything.  For those who know me in real life, I am such a Martha and want everything in order.  It is hard for me to let go.  I am not going to say that I was completely successful in fully surrendering to God that year, but I did learn the benefits of doing it.

Last year I focused on "Perserverance."  God led me to the right word as this past year has been one of many struggles.  I have walked through the valley of darkness and pushed through it.  I have been literally broken on the floor, filled with dispair.  Only to be renewed through God's word and push through them again.  God has been faithful and although my trials have not been taken away, He has been by my side through it all.

This year I have been lead to the word "Contentment."

Contentment is defined as the statement of happiness or satisfaction, however, the Martha in me covets.  A Dolce Gusto, steam mop, new curtains, bigger house, new vehicle, etc..  I want more than I have.  I can also play the why me game.  Why can't Middleman be normal?  Why is my family facing the trials we are?  Why do others seem to have it easier than me?  Why don't more people link up to Caffeinated Randomness?  (Ok, I really don't stress out about the last one.)

When I look at my life though I am truly blessed.  Thomas may be autistic, but he doesn't have cancer or any other serious health issues.  Nicole may not have many friends or be the most popular girl at her school, but she is super smart.  She also has a heart for her brothers and often thinks of them before herself.  Sam may not talk, but loves music and can sing songs in his own way.  I have a nice house in a nice neighbourhod.  I have a van.  I am able to purchase a Starbucks latte at least once a week.  My family is healthy.  My husband is employed.  We are blessed and I should be content.

In the song Blessings, there is a line that says "...or the aching of this life.  Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy."  What am I yearning for?  Lysa TerKeurst in Made to Crave often states that "we were made to crave God."  Instead of the external things I have been wanting, I need to recognize that what I truly am craving.  A filling of complete contentment in life and in the blessings I have received.  When I don't appreciate those blessings of God, it's me telling Him that what He got me wasn't good enough.

This year I am going to focus on being content with what I already have been given.  I am going to see the joy in the simple things.  I am going to embrace the gifts that come not matter what they are, knowing that God only wants good for me and only wants me to prosper.

What is your word this year?  Are you content with all God has given you?  Are you willing to?

I am linking up today with the Soli Deo Sisterhood at Finding Heaven.