Friday, April 19, 2013
It's been one of those weeks and I still don't think there is enough coffee in the world to help me deal with it. This week I thought I would share some bloggy coffee things that have made me smile this week. I even took a quiz for what kind of coffee I would be. I got :
At your best, you are: straight shooting, ambitious, and energetic
At your worst, you are: anxious and high strung
You drink coffee when: anytime you're not sleeping
Your caffeine addiction level: high
I don't like espressos, but have to agree about the description of me. For those who know me personally, I think you would agree.
This is really how I feel sometimes about coffee. It is dangerous in my house when mommy hasn't had any coffee. I once made an blood work appointment at 10:30 am and of course it was one of those fasting ones. Of course, the lab was running 30 minutes late. I wanted to tell the assistant at the desk that I didn't have coffee and people could get hurt if they didn't get me in and out of there. The first place I went to after was Starbucks. Luckily there was one 10 seconds away from the lab. Oh, if that Starbucks would just go into business with the lab, I think everyone would be satisfied.
Every morning the first thing I do is make a cup of coffee in my Keurig. I do this even before taking my thyroid medicine. I read recently that when you pray you should consider it a personal "visit" with God. While when I have friends over we drink coffee, so I know God would only expect me to treat him the same way.
If I don't get my cup of coffee, people should run. There was one camping trip I decided to take instant coffee and not to shower for the weekend as we were only there for two nights. By Sunday morning, after having the most disgusting coffee of all time, my wonderful husband handed me a towel and $10.00 and told me to take a shower and get a cup of coffee at the campground cafe. I guess for everyone's safety and probably my own (there might of been a revolt against mom), my husband was very wise. Last year I thought I would give up coffee for lent. My husband banned that idea. I then remembered the camping trip and realized I couldn't even get through two days. I don't even want to imagine 40 days without it.
I love Star Wars. Coffee and Star Wars. It is a match made in heaven. ;)
Joy indeed does come in the morning. Coffee and God. God and Coffee. It's what gets me through life.
What kind of coffee are you? What is your vice? Come and join the other Java Junkies with your randomness this week. (PS. I know not all of you drink coffee, but join in the fun anyway.)
Friday, April 12, 2013
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing.
These are the first lyrics of the Worn by Tenth Avenue North. These are the also the words that describe how I've been feeling lately.
I have a friend who calls me a warrior. But I don't feel like one. I feel like the victim. The person tied to the rock waiting for someone to save them. Warriors are powerful. Warriors are strong. Warriors are brave. They are the heroes. They are the saviors. Dictionary.com defines warrior as a person who shows or has shown great vigor, courage, or aggressiveness, as in politics or athletics. That definitely does not describe me.
This version of warrior is seen throughout our culture. You see it in our literature and our mythology. You only have to look at current media to see what society thinks warriors should look like. When I think of warriors in our current media I think of Aragon from the Lord of the Rings series.
He's the fighter in the story. The one who will bring peace. The one who will overcome evil if he takes up his birth right. But what I forget when I think of his story is his heartbreak. His hopelessness. His struggle. His running from what He knows he is. The Battle of Helms Deep reflects this. Ten thousand Uruk-hai against 300 Rhoinians. Then you add a few hundred elves, but still the numbers don't look good. At the beginning of the battle he argues with one of his friends, Legolas, about the battle. Legolas believes the battle to be foolhearty. Aragon acknowledges it, yet says he will fight anyway.
You see that is what a warrior really is. Merriam Webster defines a warrior as : a man engaged or experienced in warfare; broadly : a person engaged in some struggle or conflict. A warrior is tired. A warrior is worn. A warrior doesn't know when the battle will end, but keeps on fighting. A warrior may realize that they may lose the battle, but that the war is still undecided. In this aspect I am a warrior.
For we are not wrestling with flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the despotisms, against the powers, against [the master spirits who are] the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spirit forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) sphere. Ephesians 6:12 AMP
We are all warriors. We are all fighting some battle. In fact, we should be fighting. It means that we are worth trying to defeat. It means that we are in line with God. The enemy hates this. The enemy wants us to have a false sense of hope. But it is just that, false hope. Only God can give us true hope. Only He can bring us true peace. He doesn't just send us out into the battle. He doesn't send us out unprepared, as well. He arms us.
Therefore put on God’s complete armor, that you may be able to resist and stand your ground on the evil day [of danger], and, having done all [the crisis demands], to stand [firmly in your place]. Stand therefore [hold your ground], having tightened the belt of truth around your loins and having put on the breastplate of integrity and of moral rectitude and right standing with God, And having shod your feet in preparation [to face the enemy with the [a]firm-footed stability, the promptness, and the readiness produced by the good news] of the Gospel of peace. Lift up over all the [covering] shield of [c]saving faith, upon which you can quench all the flaming missiles of the wicked [one]. And take the helmet of salvation and the sword that the Spirit [d]wields, which is the Word of God. Ephesians 6:13-17 AMPWe also don't fight alone. He fights with us.
The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest. Exodus 14:14 AMPGod knows the end of our stories. We don't. He doesn't leave us alone. He is with us, even we think hope is lost. He guides us and fights with us. He will lead us to restful waters (Psalm 23:2) He will refresh us and restore us (Pslam 23:3). Lean on Him in the battle. You may lose this round, but know that the War has been won.
Are you in the midst of a battle? Are you worn? Have you sought out God for rest? Have you leaned on Him for guidance and assistance?
Come join up with the other Java Junkies and share your hearts and struggles with us.
Friday, April 5, 2013
This month is Autism Awareness month. Tuesday, April 2 is recognized as International Autism Awareness Day. Everyday is Autism Awareness Day at our house.
Thomas was born 7 years ago. He was a fussy baby from the get go. He didn't laugh until he was at least 6 months of age. He didn't walk until he was 20 months and didn't say his first word until he was two. He had only 50 words by the time he was 4 years old. I remember going to the Doctor at his 18 month old check up about some of my concerns, but the doctor just said he was healthy. That he would catch up. I remember conversations with friends about my concerns, especially after reading What to Execpt in the Toddler Years? I felt there was something, but couldn't put my finger on it.
However, for all the things he was behind, he was ahead in so much. He figured out the mouse and computer by the time he was 2 1/2. I had to lock the computer for a few hours a day so that he would do something else. He was so good at puzzles. He could tell you the letters of the alphabet before he was 3 (Thank you Nana). Thomas was diagnosed with autism two weeks before his 5th birthday.
Sam was the opposite baby. He was happy and had a deep laugh from the get go. He slept through the night after a month. He napped regularly. He too was a slow walker and talker. However, once he walked.....he ran. He was into everything and had more energy than the energizer bunny (even as I write this in a hotel room, he's running around). I have to admit that I didn't want to see the similarities with Sam and Thomas. They were too different in my eyes. I argued with my husband about this. On the way to the pediatrician, I argued with God. Didn't I deserve a “normal” son? Didn't I have enough struggles and trials in my life? Why us? Why did we have to be the statistics?
I actually took Thomas' diagnosis better than I did Sam's. I wanted to have the typical family, not the different one. The year Thomas was diagnosised my word of the year was persevere. I persevered. I pushed through. I embraced Thomas's diagnosis. I learned more about it. I learned the myths and the truths. I learned about division in the autism community and I picked sides.
Our family moved from one province to another, so that we could obtain better services for Thomas and better services to assist our family. We learned to advocate for Thomas. We learned about inclusion education (something I had struggled with before) and learned of the positive aspects of it for all children. We learned about the prejudice and how to break down the barriers that people with disabilities face. We persevered as a family through the new “normal” we faced.
Last year, my word was “contentment”. I will admit that I didn't learn to become content with either of the boys diagnosis, but I did learn to be content with what I had. I learned to not look so much into the future and the dreams I had had for my boys (those dreams were gone and I did grieve them). I learned to embrace the day. Every day is new. Every day is precious. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow is never here.
Through all of this God has been with me and my family. He has provided us with amazing therapists. Some believers and some not. He has provided our family with aides who love our children and share our core beliefs. Who believe in inclusion. Who see the possibility each of our boys is. Who see beyond the struggles.
When I have been literally on the floor weeping about my life, God was with me. When I despaired about my children's future, God was there. He has given me strength when I had none. He brought me joy and peace, when I felt like they were a dream, never to be grasped. He alone has stood with us.
I know because of Him that my boys are amazing, wonderful, perfect, wanted and loved. They are not mistakes. They are part of a larger plan. I may despair of my not knowing the plan, but He alone has seen the end and it is Good!
What are you and your family struggling with? What has God been saying to you? Are you leaning on God through your struggles? Come share the randomness with the other Java Junkies this week.
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