Friday, September 21, 2012

Caffeinated Randomness - A Hot Mess

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I'm sure reading this you're thinking I spilt the pumpkin spice latte.   I wish it was true or actually no I don't because that would be a dreadful waste of coffee.  The hot mess I'm talking about is me.  A fellow GMG sister of mine always refers to herself in stressful or difficult times as a hot mess.  I love this phrase.  I truly reflects how I am feeling lately.  Out of control, struggling, in pain, floating, lost, alone, angry, frustrated, .....just a hot mess.  

I used to think that the more I grew in my faith the less of a hot mess I would be.  In fact, the opposite is true.  I'm even more of a hot mess now than then or maybe it's just I embrace the messiness or at least acknowledge the messiness.  Is it age that allows me to do this?  Is it the books I read that enable me to do this?  Is it watching other believers who seem to have perfect lives compared to mine?  Is it the Holy Spirit telling me this?  Is my walk weaker than others or just the same?   Are others going through trials like I am?  Am I really alone or just on the same boat along with everyone else, too blinded in our own pain to acknowledge each other?

The more I talk to people about the pain I'm going through or listen to those around me, I see that I'm not alone.  We are all struggling with something.  Some may seem tougher than others.  Some may seem more significant than our trials.  Some may seem easier, but put them in persepective and they are equal.  We are all facing trials in some form or another.   It could be addiction, cancer, anorexia, depression, unemployment, school, our expectations in marriage, failed marriages, our children, unknown diagnosis, autism, alzheimers, diabetes, sexual assaults, ......I could write a list of everything I have heard of in the past week affecting others and I still wouldn't even get to the core of it. 

We live in a imperfect world.  It sucks.  Plain and simple.  It hurts.  Its hard.  There is joy.  But sometimes to get to that joy we have to experience the pain.  We have to walk through the trials.  We have to allow God to do His work in us.  To breakdown those walls around us and recraft us in His image.  The only way sometimes He is able to do this is to use those tough times to refine us.  To enable us to cling to Him and trust Him.  To allow Him to guide us and push us through the fire.  It hurts.  We scream.  We cry.  We embrace the pain.  But we can't wallow in it.  That's when we get caught up in Satan's lies and enter the pit of deception.  When we're in that pit it's even harder to get out.  

It's ok to scream.  It's ok to yell.   Yes, yell at God.  Tell Him it's not fair.  Tell Him it hard.  Tell you can't go on.  He wants to hear this.  He is strong enough to take it without being insulted or hurt.  Jesus on the cross screamed out "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? (Mark 15:34b).   Matthew writes that even before that Jesus prayed in Gethsemane "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death (v38)...My Father, if it possible, may this cup be taken from me. (v.39).  He cried out to God just as we do.  But in verse 39 he continues "Yet not as I will, but as you will."   Because everything is God's will.  God will use the nasty that life throws us to bring us closer to Him.  To enable us to trust Him, submit to Him and ultimately, follow Him.  

I am reminded of Amy Grant's song "Better than a Hallelujah".  I will admit that when I first heard this song I didn't really like it.  I would often skip over it while listening to my cd or iTunes.  One day I listened.  God spoke to me through the words.  Every tear, cry, scream, pain that we share, God knows.  He hears them.  He embraces them and uses them.  "Beautiful the mess we are, the honest cries of breaking hearts."   The pain that we acknowledge, the honest cries, the mess that we want to hide, God uses.  We need to be honest with ourselves, others and God.  Only then can healing begin.  Only then can God do His work.  

Cry out.  Embrace the pain, the trials, the tears.  Know we have a Great God.  Know that He is strong enough to take our pain or anguish and make it good. 



God loves a lullaby
In a mother's tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.
God loves a drunkards cry,
The soldier's plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

The woman holding on for life,
The dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes
The tears of shame for what's been done,
The silence when the words won't come
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

Better than a church bell ringing,
Better than a choir singing out,singing out.

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

What are you struggling with?  Have you called out to God?  Have you been honest about your pain and released it to God.  Come share your cries and hot mess with the other java junkies this week.



6 comments:

Mindy @ New Equus - A New Creation said...

Hey Michelle! I love this song. And I am definitely a HOT MESS! "But sometimes to get to that joy we have to experience the pain." Words of wisdom there, sister! If I didn't know what bad was, how on earth would I know what good was? Great post!

Susie said...

Michelle, what a powerful message. Gosh how I wish I lived closer to you!!! I would take you for a pumpkin latte today and tell you how much I love you! Consider a virtual latte date today, ok?? HUGS!!!!

dcbk said...

cried more the second time hearing this. Col 1:13-14 also reminded thsi morning that even though go through the valleys those valleys are still in God's Kingdom and not the Doman of Darkness. Restoration is painful - praying for you this day - hugs~

A Renaissance Woman said...

Beautiful post and a beautiful song. A hot mess describes me (and my house) very well. Working on it a little every day.

Have a good weekend.

Cassandra from Renaissance Women

Sherri Davidson said...

Man I love that song!! I am too a hot mess! More often that not! Well maybe not a 'Hot" mess. LOL

My church has a slogan saying we are imperfect people, living in an imperfect world.

So true and makes it easier for me to not have to live up to something. I only need to be who I am before God. :)

Tons during the day I find myself frustrated, upset and I wonder whats wrong with me.

Good thing HE is forgiving. :)

Andrea said...

I had to stop reading because otherwise I'd be a crying mess right now. It's been a tough week. Thank you for the reminder He's right there with me.

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Alberta, Canada
I'm a 39 year old (oh yeah I'm telling you my age) Stay at Home mom. A former Bad Girl now reformed sinner, I'm married to my Y2K guy and raising 3 great children from God. Proudly Canadian, however, missing the West Coast, I currently live in the prairies watching the farmers fields produce as I learn how God produces the fruits in me.

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