Sunday, September 23, 2012

Messy Mondays - Trust

Messy Mondays where I share what God has been showing me through the messiness of life. It is my personal belief that this walk isn't clean and crisp and straight or narrow. It's wide and twisted and mucky and messy. It's about the ups and the downs, but through it all God is there with us
 Trust.  This is a word that I struggle with.  I acknowledge it, but push it to the background and try not to think about it.  This summer it was brought to the forefront and I have had to honestly look at it.  

Have you ever drivin in southern California?  For me it was a new experience.  I already have issues as a passenger of a vehicle, watching other vehicles fly by, but nothing prepared me for this.  I've been in California before.  I've been the passenger before.  But this time it was different.  Everytime we drove while in California I was a puddle of stress and anxiety.  I was sure we were going to be hit or hit something.  My husband did all the driving.  I do trust his driving, but I didn't trust other peoples driving.  People were cutting in and out.  Slowing down, speeding up, not using their signal lights (I'm sorry, they are mandatory!).  I spent the whole time with one hand on the dash and the other hand on the door.  My husband queries me when I do this with "How is this going to save you?"  It's not.  

I spent a lot of time in silent prayer during this time.  Peace enfolded me, for a time until the next car sped by.  I came to realize that I don't trust God.  I had really look at what it was that was driving me crazy.  It's my sense of control.  I have no control.  I am not in control.   There!  I've said it.  Do I really believe it?  Do I really feel it?   I've set up schedules.  I have a calendar.  I know what is going on.  But what happens when life throws a curve ball?   Recently we had one thrown at us.  The center that was going to assess Sam is not going to do the assessment.  We are having to scramble with our therapists to do this.  When I heard this I melted down.  But God was already working.  The assessment center and our social worker were already talking about how they could assist our family to obtain the funding we need.  The social worker already had ideas that would work and knew our therapists would be able to assist us.  What I saw as something beyond my reach, was being placed in a different path.

On my trip, I got to meet up with a great friend who gave me a copy of "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young.  The first two readings that I read started with the words "trust" and "entrust".  God knew what I needed to hear.  He knows I have issues trusting others.  He knows the walls I have built to protect myself.  He is slowly breaking them down.  Using anything possible.  Teaching me to trust Him and Him alone.  Teaching me to let go of the illusion of control.  Submitting to Him and His plans.  

Has driving gotten any easier?  A little.  It's a good scale to see how far I've come and how far I have to go.

Are you struggling with trust?  What is God using to teach you?

1 comments:

Sherri Davidson said...

Wow! Yeppers I struggle with it too much of the time. Yesterday at church the sermon was on taking the sabbath for what it is intended. A day to spend in rest. It is holy. However while he was explaining how the bible references this he went into the passage about the mannia and how these people needed to rely on God each and every day. That was quite the lesson God was teaching them. How hard would it be for me if I was placed in the same spot? Extremely. I am a planner. I like to know things long term. I like to have an idea of how my day, week, month, year is going to go. I am ok with change but when God throws me a big curve ball, I struggle. I don't lean on Him near enough. I try to do for myself. It is something I need to work on. Glad to hear that I am not the only one. :D

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