Lost In the Prairies.....Found by God

You go to church on Sunday. Hurting. Struggling with the trials you face. They may be raising special needs children. They may be health issues. They may be loss of a job or loss of a family member. You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. An acquaintance comes up to you to say hi and asks how you are doing? You answer: “Fine” with an awkward smile. LIAR! You are not fine. You are not doing ok.

From your view the acquaintance looks great. Doesn't seem to have a hair out of place. She replies, “Great, I'm doing fine as well.” LIAR. You don't know what lies beneath that facade. Broken marriage. Financial struggles. Depression.

Neither of you is being authentic with the other. Neither of you is willing to lay aside your pride and your insecurities to be honest with each other. You are not willing to admit humility and ask for help.

Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. (James 5:16 Msg)

It should be our common practice to be open and honest with each other. How can we be whole? How can we be healed if we aren't honest and authentic?  Why do we allow ourselves to lie to each other when we are called to be people of the truth?  I think it is because we are spending too much time on our facades. The view that we want people to see. The view that we want people to think we are. The view we wish we were.

I am not just finding this at church, but also in the blogosphere or anywhere else I meet Christians. We all wear this facade. We don't allow ourselves to be authentic because we don't want to be judged. But then we become what we didn't want to become – judgers. We start to judge ourselves on a perception and not on a truth. We start to judge others on the same perceptions. We allow ourselves to be valued not on authenticity but on illusion. That person seems to have it all; why don't I? That person has no idea what I face on a daily basis. That person must have a housekeeper, her house can't be that clean by itself.  On and on goes the judging and the lies, until we end up like the Pharisees. Self righteous people trying to be holy and failing miserably.

It is my belief that we as Christians are not willing to embrace our own messes or others messes. It is too messy. It is too scary. Too real. What will people think?  What will people expect from us when we start being honest. I was once told by a friend that another acquaintance thought my house was immaculate. That I did not have any dirt anywhere. She told me this while we were cleaning for my move. I quickly pulled out one of the beds and revealed the dust and dirt that had been under there for 4 years. See we all have that dirt. It is just hiding.

I struggle with being authentic. I have troubles with asking for help.  I do not want to burden people with my mess.   I rarely ask for prayer.  I rarely allow people to see the real messy me. The weak me.  Most people see me as a strong individual. Someone to have fun with. Someone who can be brutally honest. But how honest am I when I don't share with those who are close to me. When I don't allow them into my messes.  Am I selling myself and others short when I don't share?  How can I expect others to share with me their brokenness and pain, as well as their triumphs, when I am reluctant to do the same.  

I just started reading "So Long, Insecurity" by Beth Moore. It is already speaking to me. Beth suggests that some of the reasons for our insecurities come from trust issues with God. I think this is also the reason we struggle with authenticity. We don't truly trust God and we don't truly trust each other. How many friendships have we lost because of a perceived betrayal?  How many times have we been let down by people who don't meet our expectations?  How many times have we let people down?  But you see God never lets us down.   He is always with us.  He loves us just for who we are and not for what we are.   He loves us because of our messes. He wants our messes. He embraces our messes.

If we want true relationship with Jesus and each other we need to admit our weaknesses.  We need to embrace them and be authentic with each other and ourselves about them.  We need to show people that we are not doing “fine.” We need to allow Jesus to break down the facades we have built up and allow people into our messes. They may not know how to handle it. That's ok.  God does. Our friends and acquaintances may not know what to do or to say. Admit it. We don't have all the answers. God does. If we don't have the words, pray. You don't have to pray right there but let them know that you will pray for them and actually do it. Ask others to pray with you. Nothing will be solved unless we start handing God our messes and allow others to do the same.

We are meant to be in community with each other. But unless we can truly be authentic with each other, what kind of community are we building? 

I am linking up with the Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood this week at Finding Heaven.  

It is that time again.  Time to forget the past year.  Time to focus on the future.  An old year is almost gone and a new year is upon us.  Time for new goals and a new word to focus on.  

This last year has been one of struggle.   It has been full of trials.  We have struggled with depression.  We continue to live with autism.  We have been under attack and have struggled to see the light.  The dark has been overwhelming.  I have been running around with a lack of purpose or direction.  I am in constant survivor mode.  

Last year my focus word was Contentment.  It was a good word for the year.  I read books on joy, blessings and hell.  I did the Good Morning Girls studies of Ephesians, Colossians, and Proverbs 31.  All of these helped me to focus on true Contentment.  They helped me to realize my addiction to things and having things.   My wanting for something more.  I have learned what true joy is.  I have learned the difference between living in the light and living in the darkness.  I have come to terms with some aspects of my life and have learned to accept what has been placed before me.  It doesn't mean I have to like it though.  It doesn't mean everything is becoming perfect and rosy   In fact, the one thing that I have learned this year is that I'm messy.  

No, I am not talking about "messy" in the sense that my house is a mess and my kids are a mess.  I am talking about being a "Hot Mess."  I am not in control.  I am not perfect.  Things are hard.  Messy is defined as marked by confusion; disorder; lacking precision  extremely unpleasant or trying.  This pretty much sums up my life.  I think it pretty much sums up everybody's life I know.  We are all messy.  None of us is perfect.  I have friends who suffer from depression, anorexia, children who suffer from numerous health issues, marriage struggles, family crisis, child molestation, ...  I could go on, but I think you get my point.  

I struggle when I see people with supposed perfect lives try to preach their lives to others.  I want authenticity.  I want honesty.  I want people to know about the mess and know that it will not defeat me.  I want people to know who is fighting my battles with me and for me.  I want people to see that none of us is perfect.  We don't have to respond that we are "fine" when we aren't.  It's ok to say "I'm alive."  It should be enough.  

We all come from a long line of messies too.  The Bible is full of them.  I ran across the following picture last year on Pinterest.

This list represents just some of the messy people in the Bible.  God used them all.  God loved them all just where they were and just for what they were - themselves.  I heard the best explanation of this philosophy on the Survivor Finale by Lisa Whelchel.  She talked about the internal struggle that we are both good and bad and God loves us anyway.  God loves us just where we are.  We need to accept that and stop trying to be perfect or to be perceived as perfect.   That doesn't mean that God doesn't want our best, but each of our best is different.  We need to be about acceptance not judgement.  We need to focus Up and not Out.  

If you are still wondering what my word is, it is Messy.  I'm going to focus on the messy people of the Bible and how God used them.  I'm going to focus on authenticity and honesty.  I'm going to embrace my beautiful mess and see how it makes me me.  I can't wait.  I hope you join me on the journey, mess and all.  

Have you picked a word to focus on in the new year?  What are you thoughts of messiness?  Come link up with the Java Junkies this week and share your randomness.