Friday, December 28, 2012
12:00 AM | Posted by Michelle | Edit Post
It is that time again. Time to forget the past year. Time to focus on the future. An old year is almost gone and a new year is upon us. Time for new goals and a new word to focus on.
This last year has been one of struggle. It has been full of trials. We have struggled with depression. We continue to live with autism. We have been under attack and have struggled to see the light. The dark has been overwhelming. I have been running around with a lack of purpose or direction. I am in constant survivor mode.
Last year my focus word was Contentment. It was a good word for the year. I read books on joy, blessings and hell. I did the Good Morning Girls studies of Ephesians, Colossians, and Proverbs 31. All of these helped me to focus on true Contentment. They helped me to realize my addiction to things and having things. My wanting for something more. I have learned what true joy is. I have learned the difference between living in the light and living in the darkness. I have come to terms with some aspects of my life and have learned to accept what has been placed before me. It doesn't mean I have to like it though. It doesn't mean everything is becoming perfect and rosy In fact, the one thing that I have learned this year is that I'm messy.
No, I am not talking about "messy" in the sense that my house is a mess and my kids are a mess. I am talking about being a "Hot Mess." I am not in control. I am not perfect. Things are hard. Messy is defined as marked by confusion; disorder; lacking precision extremely unpleasant or trying. This pretty much sums up my life. I think it pretty much sums up everybody's life I know. We are all messy. None of us is perfect. I have friends who suffer from depression, anorexia, children who suffer from numerous health issues, marriage struggles, family crisis, child molestation, ... I could go on, but I think you get my point.
I struggle when I see people with supposed perfect lives try to preach their lives to others. I want authenticity. I want honesty. I want people to know about the mess and know that it will not defeat me. I want people to know who is fighting my battles with me and for me. I want people to see that none of us is perfect. We don't have to respond that we are "fine" when we aren't. It's ok to say "I'm alive." It should be enough.
We all come from a long line of messies too. The Bible is full of them. I ran across the following picture last year on Pinterest.
This list represents just some of the messy people in the Bible. God used them all. God loved them all just where they were and just for what they were - themselves. I heard the best explanation of this philosophy on the Survivor Finale by Lisa Whelchel. She talked about the internal struggle that we are both good and bad and God loves us anyway. God loves us just where we are. We need to accept that and stop trying to be perfect or to be perceived as perfect. That doesn't mean that God doesn't want our best, but each of our best is different. We need to be about acceptance not judgement. We need to focus Up and not Out.
If you are still wondering what my word is, it is Messy. I'm going to focus on the messy people of the Bible and how God used them. I'm going to focus on authenticity and honesty. I'm going to embrace my beautiful mess and see how it makes me me. I can't wait. I hope you join me on the journey, mess and all.
Have you picked a word to focus on in the new year? What are you thoughts of messiness? Come link up with the Java Junkies this week and share your randomness.
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- Alberta, Canada
- I'm a 39 year old (oh yeah I'm telling you my age) Stay at Home mom. A former Bad Girl now reformed sinner, I'm married to my Y2K guy and raising 3 great children from God. Proudly Canadian, however, missing the West Coast, I currently live in the prairies watching the farmers fields produce as I learn how God produces the fruits in me.
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