Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts
Friday, April 27, 2012

Caffeinated Randomness - The Fog and The Music

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The fog has returned.  The fog that sometimes drifts down and makes everything fuzzy.  It permeates through my day.  I walk around lost and in a daze.  I have no energy.  I have no motivation.  I just want to lay in bed and read or watch Mad Men (I'm almost done season 4).  


This is what it feels like.  I'm traveling down a road I can't see.  I can't see.  I don't know what to reach for or look for.   I feel lost.  I feel unsure.  I feel lonely.  I feel tired.

I have been trying to focus on going to forward.  I have been trying to focus on the Father and praying for wisdom and focus.   I have been trying to trust Him and His plan for our lives.  But it is hard.  I want to scream.  I want to sit and cry.  I want to lose it.  Instead I dance.

I know it's silly isn't it.  It's not very spiritual.  It's not really what they tell you to do when you are depressed, for that is truly what the fog is.  I dance.  I put on 90s dance music and somehow the music moves me - literally.  I can't even explain why it's 90s dance music and not some other decade.  I can't explain why.  It's not even worship music.  There's nothing deep about it.  There's nothing meaningful in it.  Just music.  Just a beat that makes me want to move.  I hope I'm not alone.  Let's dance!


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Alberta, Canada
I'm a 39 year old (oh yeah I'm telling you my age) Stay at Home mom. A former Bad Girl now reformed sinner, I'm married to my Y2K guy and raising 3 great children from God. Proudly Canadian, however, missing the West Coast, I currently live in the prairies watching the farmers fields produce as I learn how God produces the fruits in me.
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