Friday, April 27, 2012

Caffeinated Randomness - The Fog and The Music

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The fog has returned.  The fog that sometimes drifts down and makes everything fuzzy.  It permeates through my day.  I walk around lost and in a daze.  I have no energy.  I have no motivation.  I just want to lay in bed and read or watch Mad Men (I'm almost done season 4).  


This is what it feels like.  I'm traveling down a road I can't see.  I can't see.  I don't know what to reach for or look for.   I feel lost.  I feel unsure.  I feel lonely.  I feel tired.

I have been trying to focus on going to forward.  I have been trying to focus on the Father and praying for wisdom and focus.   I have been trying to trust Him and His plan for our lives.  But it is hard.  I want to scream.  I want to sit and cry.  I want to lose it.  Instead I dance.

I know it's silly isn't it.  It's not very spiritual.  It's not really what they tell you to do when you are depressed, for that is truly what the fog is.  I dance.  I put on 90s dance music and somehow the music moves me - literally.  I can't even explain why it's 90s dance music and not some other decade.  I can't explain why.  It's not even worship music.  There's nothing deep about it.  There's nothing meaningful in it.  Just music.  Just a beat that makes me want to move.  I hope I'm not alone.  Let's dance!


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5 comments:

Sunflower Faith said...

Sometimes just letting go and dance...dance with tears...dance with joy...
Keeping you cover in prayer!! The fog always lifts (Praise God) and in the meantime...dance...dance and laugh and even dance, laugh and cry if you must...and through all that..there is ...chocolate!

Katharine said...

Praying that the fog will lift, and you will have peace...and dancing is always good!
Blessings!

Andrea M said...

Oh sweetie, hang in there. I'll be praying. Next week Kevin goes back to work, so I'll have lots of free time to chat on the phone. (I can't Skype right now - my laptop heats up if I do more than check my email on it lately. Time for a Mac, methinks!)

kendal said...

totally understand. hope it lifts soon.

~Rain``` said...

Praying for rays of hope in the fog. Dance away...

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Alberta, Canada
I'm a 39 year old (oh yeah I'm telling you my age) Stay at Home mom. A former Bad Girl now reformed sinner, I'm married to my Y2K guy and raising 3 great children from God. Proudly Canadian, however, missing the West Coast, I currently live in the prairies watching the farmers fields produce as I learn how God produces the fruits in me.

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