Monday, April 2, 2012

Messy Mondays - Finding What's Been Missing

Messy Mondays where I share what God has been showing me through the messiness of life. It is my personal belief that this walk isn't clean and crisp and straight or narrow. It's wide and twisted and mucky and messy. It's about the ups and the downs, but through it all God is there with us. 

This last week has been very messy, literally.  Potty training has been two steps forward and three steps back with Thomas.  Just as it seems he's about to get it, we spend two days cleaning up underwear and pants.  And now this problem has crept up in school and there are more demands on my time in regards to this. 

While we wait for Sam's diagnositic assessment for ASD, he is becoming a little Dictator.  I'm going to start calling him Il Duce soon.  He may not be able to talk but makes it very plain what he wants and likes and what the consequences are when he doesn't get them. 

The "A" word is getting to us.   It controls everything we do and how we do it.   Do we go out or stay home?  Do we take the kids or get a babysitter?   Do we leave when there is a meltdown or do we just excuse ourselves until it finishes?   We are at our wit's end.  In fact, last Friday in the middle of the messies, I texted my husband with "I'M DONE!"  I was done.  I was laying on my bed.  I was finished.  I couldn't take anymore at that point.  Then I prayed.  Actually, more like I asked God the eternal question WHY?  Why us?  Why two?   Why do we have to deal with this?  Will it ever get better?  Will it ever be "Normal"?  (It probably didn't help that I had been suffering for over a week with a pinched nerve and strained shoulder and I had just lost my voice to laryngitis).

After struggling through the weekend and somehow maintaining some sanity (I think it helped that my husband bought me a cute new purse), I read Kelly Langston's blog (she is the the author of Autisn's Hidden Blessings). 
He knows that we will encounter trials and hardships, but He has already overcome them, promising rest, guidance and wisdom when we need it.

Our Advocate—Jesus—longs to help you. I know, because He helped me, and He helped my son. 
These words screamed out to me.  I knew immediately what had been missing for a while in my life - Jesus.  It's not that I had turned from Him.  I have been getting up and studying his word daily through the Good Morning Girls study.  What's been missing is prayer?  I've been getting to know Him more and more, but I have put Him within arms reach and still expect Him to be there for me in the messiness.  How can I expect to receive peace and comfort when I don't ask Him for it.  It seems lately I only talk to Him in crisis, when I should really be having an ongoing conversation with Him regarding every area in my life. 

Jesus is calling me.  He is literally hitting me on the head and telling me to call Him.  To let Him in all the details.  To let the Father be in control.   I need to let go and trust Him.  I need to tell Him this more often so that when trials hit (Ok, tornados hit) then I will be given peace and guidance that I need to work through mess of autism.

3 comments:

Alicia said...

Oh the tornados are so hard. And that letting go and trusting thing... that usually creates a tornado in my soul before I begin to unclench my fingers. Thanks for sharing. I'm praying peace over you today!

Jen Ferguson said...

Oh, Michelle. I am so glad you are here this morning. I am praying that you find that space of communication, that His words flood your heart, that He helps you create the space and time so that you can really process what He is saying. I pray for hope and peace.

Sherri said...

My how I have been there. Many a times I have said ok I am DONE!! I think when we reach our complete breaking point is only when we truly let Jesus in.
I pray that he continues to guide you and give you strength.

On a side note what is Good Morning Girls?

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Alberta, Canada
I'm a 39 year old (oh yeah I'm telling you my age) Stay at Home mom. A former Bad Girl now reformed sinner, I'm married to my Y2K guy and raising 3 great children from God. Proudly Canadian, however, missing the West Coast, I currently live in the prairies watching the farmers fields produce as I learn how God produces the fruits in me.

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