Lost In the Prairies.....Found by God

Some people have a junk drawer.  I have a few of these.  However, how many of you have a junk cupboard?  I have one.  Don't ask.  It used to be my crafting cupboard, but now its just a place we put things that don't have a home.  While looking in this cupboard last month, I found a pile of cassette tapes.  Like I said, don't ask.  When going through these I found my Profession of Faith tape.  I realized looking at it the date that 10 years ago today I professed my faith and was re-baptized.

"Life is teaching me some painful lessons but it is from adversity that strength is born."

I read this quote a few days ago and it really hit home.  As my life has been filled with adversity from the get go.  My parents married young and foolishly.  Their marriage was very rocky from the start.  They both took their frustrations out on each other and when I came,  on me.   My parents drank and cheated on each other through out their marriage of 4 years.  My parents divorced when I was 4 and my sister was 2.  I never saw my father again and I have vary few memories of my father, if not disturbing memories of him. 

In my youth my mother lead a life of drinking and sex with different men, a life I would eventually lead.  It all came to an end when she tried to commit suicide after having an abortion.  My sister and I were made wards of the court and given to my grandparents.  My grandparents gave us a stable home. It seemed like they were the only people I could depend upon.  However, on several occasions I moved back with my mother and her new husband.  This marriage was as bad, if not worse than the first.  It was at this time that God first entered my life.  I had very little exposure to God, except the Lord's Prayer at school and Guides.  I took Catechism Classes and went to Church, normally alone as my mother or step-father were either too hungover or lazy to get up.  Usually I even beat the Priest to church.  I really began to believe that Church was my sanctuary away from the horrors of home. 

As I grew older, God became less involved in my life.  In my early twenties I began to lead the very life my mother had.  I equated sex to love.  Always looking for someone to fill the void in my heart.  I drank frequently and experimented with drugs.  I lived with two different men who abused me physically, emotionally and sexually.  I practiced the pagan/wiccan religion with my friends at the time.

I finally came back to Jesus when I met my fiance.  He was a Christian.  This did not discourage me as I thought I could change him, never thinking that he was the one who would change me.  After several months of dating and many lame excuses, I finally went back to Church.  The more I went, the more I felt like I was coming home.  I always refer to Leroy as heaven sent as he was there when God knew I was ready to come home. 

Then I took the Alpha course.  It was there that I learned about forgiveness, love and the Holy Spirit.  I kept wanting to learn more about Jesus and the Holy Spirit.  At the retreat during one of the small groups I kept thinking about the Robert Frost poem., The Road Less Traveled and how it applied to me.  When I told this to the group, I remember Pastor Phil telling me that Jesus had first said this.  I broke out into tears as I knew immediately that God had told me this.  I accepted Jesus into my life that weekend.

During Profession of Faith classes I continued to strengthen my relationship with God - learning even more about Him and the church.  My life with God is awesome.  I know and feel change is continuing to happen to me.  I feel God with me in good and especially when I am weak.  He gives me the strength to accept my past and to forgive what happened to me.  However, my new life is not without struggle as I change from my old and familiar habits to my new life with new change.  I find myself continuing singing One Day at a Time knowing that God is reminding me to take every day slowly and not linger on my past.  I have finally learned to forgive myself for my past, as I know God has forgiven me.  I have given my life to Christ totally and even though I sometimes question where He is taking me, I know He does this for my own good. 

I am grateful for all who have supported me and lead me to my new life.  God has given me the strength to face my future and take it for all it's worth. 

10 years old.  No longer a child.  No longer happy with just the children's menu.   I'm ready to eat steak and potatoes.  I'm growing in spiritual maturity.  I've seen these changes in me this last year and enjoying every minute of it.  Some of that has to do with this blog and each of you and I thank you for it.