Friday, September 24, 2010

Caffeinated Randomness - I'm 10 Years Old Today!

Some people have a junk drawer.  I have a few of these.  However, how many of you have a junk cupboard?  I have one.  Don't ask.  It used to be my crafting cupboard, but now its just a place we put things that don't have a home.  While looking in this cupboard last month, I found a pile of cassette tapes.  Like I said, don't ask.  When going through these I found my Profession of Faith tape.  I realized looking at it the date that 10 years ago today I professed my faith and was re-baptized.

Here's my testimony I gave that day:
"Life is teaching me some painful lessons but it is from adversity that strength is born."
I read this quote a few days ago and it really hit home.  As my life has been filled with adversity from the get go.  My parents married young and foolishly.  Their marriage was very rocky from the start.  They both took their frustrations out on each other and when I came,  on me.   My parents drank and cheated on each other through out their marriage of 4 years.  My parents divorced when I was 4 and my sister was 2.  I never saw my father again and I have vary few memories of my father, if not disturbing memories of him. 
In my youth my mother lead a life of drinking and sex with different men, a life I would eventually lead.  It all came to an end when she tried to commit suicide after having an abortion.  My sister and I were made wards of the court and given to my grandparents.  My grandparents gave us a stable home. It seemed like they were the only people I could depend upon.  However, on several occasions I moved back with my mother and her new husband.  This marriage was as bad, if not worse than the first.  It was at this time that God first entered my life.  I had very little exposure to God, except the Lord's Prayer at school and Guides.  I took Catechism Classes and went to Church, normally alone as my mother or step-father were either too hungover or lazy to get up.  Usually I even beat the Priest to church.  I really began to believe that Church was my sanctuary away from the horrors of home. 

As I grew older, God became less involved in my life.  In my early twenties I began to lead the very life my mother had.  I equated sex to love.  Always looking for someone to fill the void in my heart.  I drank frequently and experimented with drugs.  I lived with two different men who abused me physically, emotionally and sexually.  I practiced the pagan/wiccan religion with my friends at the time.

I finally came back to Jesus when I met my fiance.  He was a Christian.  This did not discourage me as I thought I could change him, never thinking that he was the one who would change me.  After several months of dating and many lame excuses, I finally went back to Church.  The more I went, the more I felt like I was coming home.  I always refer to Leroy as heaven sent as he was there when God knew I was ready to come home. 

Then I took the Alpha course.  It was there that I learned about forgiveness, love and the Holy Spirit.  I kept wanting to learn more about Jesus and the Holy Spirit.  At the retreat during one of the small groups I kept thinking about the Robert Frost poem., The Road Less Traveled and how it applied to me.  When I told this to the group, I remember Pastor Phil telling me that Jesus had first said this.  I broke out into tears as I knew immediately that God had told me this.  I accepted Jesus into my life that weekend.

During Profession of Faith classes I continued to strengthen my relationship with God - learning even more about Him and the church.  My life with God is awesome.  I know and feel change is continuing to happen to me.  I feel God with me in good and especially when I am weak.  He gives me the strength to accept my past and to forgive what happened to me.  However, my new life is not without struggle as I change from my old and familiar habits to my new life with new change.  I find myself continuing singing One Day at a Time knowing that God is reminding me to take every day slowly and not linger on my past.  I have finally learned to forgive myself for my past, as I know God has forgiven me.  I have given my life to Christ totally and even though I sometimes question where He is taking me, I know He does this for my own good. 

I am grateful for all who have supported me and lead me to my new life.  God has given me the strength to face my future and take it for all it's worth. 
I listened to the tape while I transcribed this.  I listened with tearful joy of what God did in my life.  How He changed me and continues to change me in His image.  I remember feeling the water on my head and feeling of relief and cleaning that you can only feel when you accept God and the Holy Spirit begins to live inside of you.

10 years old.  No longer a child.  No longer happy with just the children's menu.   I'm ready to eat steak and potatoes.  I'm growing in spiritual maturity.  I've seen these changes in me this last year and enjoying every minute of it.  Some of that has to do with this blog and each of you and I thank you for it. 


Bobbi said...

WOW...thanks for you transparency! It is wonderful...I'm rejoicing with you!! )))HUG(((

Jen said...

Thank you for sharing. This is an amazing story -- what a tribute to our most awesome God.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday!! I am so glad you are my sister!

~Rain``` said...

Beautiful testimony of how our wonderful Father and loving God has transformed your life! Congratulations on being 10 years old today. Your passion for Christ is inspirational.

Pat said...

thanks for sharing Michelle! you are a blessing to me each day:) I too am so glad you are my sister from another mother but the same heavenly father!

Cindy Bultema said...

Wow ~ thank you for sharing your amazing testimony! After being bloggy friends for awhile now, I had no idea of the transformation God has done in your life. I am honored to be your friend and sister in Christ. Celebrating and rejoicing in your 10 years today! May the Lord continue to use you to point many to Him!!!
What a beautiful reflection of the Lord you are, dear Michelle!
Blessings to you~
Cindy :)

Natalie at Mommy on Fire said...

Oh, Michelle. What a wonderfully moving and beautiful testimony you have! I absolutely love how you are using it to glorify Him - there is absolutely nothing, NOTHING, you could ever do that He won't forgive. I take solace in that...

Thank you for your transparency - my heart broke for those little girls whose family broke apart when they were so young. I'm so sorry for your pain but yet so thankful you can now know your Heavenly Father and have a relationship with Him.

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Alberta, Canada
I'm a 39 year old (oh yeah I'm telling you my age) Stay at Home mom. A former Bad Girl now reformed sinner, I'm married to my Y2K guy and raising 3 great children from God. Proudly Canadian, however, missing the West Coast, I currently live in the prairies watching the farmers fields produce as I learn how God produces the fruits in me.

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