Friday, February 18, 2011

Caffeinated Randomness - Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes

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I want to first apologize to all of you.  Last week you all lovingly linked up your randomness.  I had plans on reading the blogs during the weekend and comment on each of them.  Sadly I didn't.  When I finally found the time, linky was being upgraded.  So I did not get a chance to read your blogs.  However, thank you all for linking up faithfully.  It is a joy to see all your smiling faces each week and to read your words.  Many times they are a blessing to me more than you know.   

I'm sitting here writing this and listening to David Bowie's Changes.  I think this will be my theme song for the next few months.  Cindy at She Sparkles wrote about her theme song, so I'm claiming this as my song.  


I love the lines :   Turn and face the strange // Just gonna have to be a different man.  They apply to my life.  Last year at this time if you had told me that my son was autistic, I would have fought you on it.  If you had told me that I would be making appointments with autism services to get him assistance, I would have told you you were crazy.  If you had told me that my little guy was anything less than perfect, then I would have taken you out back and well all you momma bears know what I'm talking about.  But these are things that I have had to realize and had to process these last few months.  It's a lot to take.  The little boy that I had so many dreams and plans for is not the little man that I  have.  Not that I don't have dreams and plans for him, just new plans.  I have had to look at things differently than I did a year ago.  

There have been many glimpses of hope these last two months as well as glimpses of defeat.  We have an assessment date which I have embraced and rejoiced for.  Answers to questions are coming.  I know there will be many more questions, but there will be direction for them.  We've also begun to start the battles.  Which organization will be assisting us.  Yes, we can decide that our son isn't ready for kindergarten.  As I said, it's the beginning of the battle. 

We know what we want for our son and we're willing to fight for it.  The middleman deserves everything possible.  He deserves the best that we can get him.  In that, our family is making a huge life decision.  We have decided to move back to where we moved from.  The province we originally came from has some of the best funding for autism.  The city we are looking at has so many services and support groups compared to one in the city we are living by.  

This is a hard decision.  It is not one we have taken lightly.  We have made many dear friends in our little town.  I will miss my Babes who have lifted me up in prayer, strength and faith when I needed it and while I still need it.  I will miss my little town who has given me such peace.  We are also separating Nic from her friends that she has grown up with for the last 4 years.  This decision has been hard.  But I know it's the decision that we have had to make and that God has lead us to.  There have been too many coincidences and I don't believe in coincidences.  I believe they are things that God shows us where He wants to lead us. 

God has been working within me these last few years.  Teaching me to rely on His strength alone through difficulties and trials.  Guiding me along paths that I did not want to go, but knew I had to take.  Leading me to where He needed me to be.  He has been changing me these last 4 years and I am a different (wo)man.

8 comments:

kendal said...

oh, michelle. this is a huge post. so much. you are in my prayers as you embark on these journeys - the middle man and the move.

stephanie said...

Hey girl. My son has aspergers. But you know...it doesn't define him...nor does it your son. He's still your same little manly man :) will be praying for yall. Message me anytime. Sometimes its helpful to have another parent around who "gets" it.

Jen said...

I am covering you and you family in prayers. What hard things - oh, but God had done a good work in You and He will continue to fill you with all that you need.

e-Mom said...

May God lead you as you consider all that's necssary to keep your son (and your family) growing and thriving.

Thank you for sharing.

Donnetta said...

Oh how often you have come to mind in recent days!

These are big decisions and big changes. But we serve an even bigger God!

Believing that He has gone before you to prepare the way, and will walk beside you with each step.

{HUGS} ... and be reminded that I'm open to talk anytime!

Cindy Bultema said...

Dear Michelle ~
Thank you for sharing how you are really doing. Will keep you all in my prayers. Your heart for your family is so beautiful. Your son is one blessed boy to have a mama like you!! :)
Love to you~
Cindy :)

Andi said...

Thanks for the vulnerability of this post. I am definitely praying for you right now. God will bless you in your obedience to Him, even when it's hard. Praying for strength for you!

~Rain``` said...

Wow! Lots of changes. May God grant you and your family tons of peace as you undergo your move. I will miss you in the area when I visit.

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I'm a 39 year old (oh yeah I'm telling you my age) Stay at Home mom. A former Bad Girl now reformed sinner, I'm married to my Y2K guy and raising 3 great children from God. Proudly Canadian, however, missing the West Coast, I currently live in the prairies watching the farmers fields produce as I learn how God produces the fruits in me.

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