Sunday, March 11, 2012

Messy Mondays - Lifting the Fog

Messy Mondays where I share what God has been showing me through the messiness of life. It is my personal belief that this walk isn't clean and crisp and straight or narrow. It's wide and twisted and mucky and messy. It's about the ups and the downs, but through it all God is there with us. 


 I know I haven't written a Messy Monday's in a while.  There have been many messy Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays.....(.you get the drift), lately.  I have been hiding out reading.  In one of my free books I read called "Heavenly", I came across these lines.
Her eyes met mine, weary and hopeless.  I hated that look.  The mom I remembered before Abria was diagnosed was lively, determined, strong and never gave up.  This Mom I'd seen gradually worn down, sanded away until only tissue paper remained.

The book is about a family struggling with the youngest child's, Abria's, autism, specifically the eldest teenage daughter.  When I first read these lines I felt hit with a huge dose of reality.  They resonated deeply in my soul.  I have felt this gradual wearing down through the numerous appointments; meetings; new therapies; old therapies and meltdowns that have become part of my family's life.  The constant questions:  Are we doing enough?  Are we doing too much?  All of this is exhausting.  I'm tired.  I don't have enough energy some days to even think, let alone deal with it all.  Who suffers when I feel this way, not just me, but all those around me.

I am scared that if I don't get out of this fog that this is the person the kids are going to know.  Not the old me, the happy, go lucky me.  They are only going to know the stressed me.  The one who starts to stress with just the thought of going to the grocery store with the kids.  The one who is uptight.  Who is watching everything the boys do when we are going out, expecting the worse.  I know I'm not the only mom of a special needs child to do this.

I need to remember that God did not say I have to do this alone.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10  NIV
 He wants me to lean on Him.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30 NIV84
 He wants me to trust in Him for everything.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;  Proverbs 3:5  NIV84

 He calls me not the worry.

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Philippians 4:6 NLT

I need to not just know these verse in my head, but also my heart.  When I do I can know such blessings and know that I don't need to stress over the little things.  That He is in control and has bigger plans for my family than I can dream. 

4 comments:

Jedidja said...

A blog straight from your heart. Thank you. Can I pray for you today? I recognize your feelings, as mom of two autistic. Here is a virtual hug. And yes, I read all these encouraging Bible verses on your blog - you know the way, but in order to pour out your heart before Him is another thing. Do it!...

Lieve groet!

Sherri said...

Prayers!

kendal said...

love your transparency here. stopping to pray for you right now.

Donnetta said...

Oh, I remember those beginning days, weeks, and months of learning to navigate with a child and their needs.

For me, it did change who I was from before, but for the better.

I believe it has given me a view of and depth of relationship with God such as I would never have experienced had the days of my life been directed differently.

One day at a time. Some days, one moment at a time. Hang in there and keep clinging tightly to HIM alone! He does not and will not disappoint!!

HUGS

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