Monday, July 9, 2012

Messy Mondays - Lean on.....???

Messy Mondays where I share what God has been showing me through the messiness of life. It is my personal belief that this walk isn't clean and crisp and straight or narrow. It's wide and twisted and mucky and messy. It's about the ups and the downs, but through it all God is there with us.

I'm not writing this to "toot" my own horn, but if you need something and I can give it to you or can assist you in anyway, I will.  It's in my nature.  I'm a fixer/helper.  Recently this year I was asked to make a meal for a friend's aunt who is dying of cancer.  I gave her 6.  Not that I was looking for an award, but I had extra meals already prepared and knew they would be needed. 

My problem is the fact that I don't know how to ask for help.  I will take on so much and don't know when to say no.  If I see something that needs to be done, I will do it.  I am reminded of the song Lean on Me.  The chorus says:

Lean on Me, When you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on.

That time is now!  I have been struggling.  I have been under a fog of cloud and dealing with trials that are no one's fault, they are just the cards dealt to us.  I need to "swallow my pride" and let people know exactly what I need.  I need to accept that I am not superwoman, but that I'm imperfect  just like the rest of us.  I need to acknowledge that no everything is not fine, but that everything will be fine.  I have trusted God and asked for His help and guidance.  But don't allow my friends and church family to assist me, as they have allowed me to assist them.

The problem, I'm not sure what I need.  An hour alone.  A meal.  Laundry being done (ok, that might just be a little selfish).   I'm not sure how to let go.  There's a humbling of oneself to realize you need to become dependent and let go of your independence.  Funny enough this is something that I speak to my evil twin about.  She has had to do this as her sight has faded.  There is that surrender.  That we can't do it alone.  That we do need to lean on others. 

We are part of a body.  We are not the foundation, that spot has already been taken by Jesus.  We are but the parts.  We cannot excist alone.  We are all a part of a community.  We were created to be in relationship - with Him and with each other.  When we don't accept help, we essentially are saying that we don't need that relationship.  We are saying that we are in control, which is a lie.  We are not in control of anything.  God is.  It's when we think we are in control that we feel like we are losing control. 
We need to rely on each other.  We need to realize that we are not alone.  We need to surrender and embrace the dependance.  Just as I need to rely on my friends the way I let them "lean on me."


Susie said...

I love you and your honesty...

Andrea M said...

It's so hard allowing others to help us, but when we do, it is the most beautiful gift from God. Whoever thought He could show us His love for us through hamburger soup! ;) And you're not being selfish - you're being realistic. I wish I was there so I could do your laundry for you!

PrincessJenn said...

You have my number. Helping you is the least I can do after you slaved for hours at my house on Saturday. lol

seashore said...

It is so hard when you don't know what to ask for. Sometimes others know what to give better then we know what to ask for. Praying for you.

Courtney said...

Michelle - I am right there with you, friend. It is so hard for me to ask for help, to show cracks in my armor. I don't know what to ask for or what to say. But recently, I've started by simply asking my friends - the ones in my small group at church - for prayers. I've been shocked by how receptive they were (the men especially) to praying for a woman who asks for help with something like anxiety. And, I can't tell you how much it has relieved my anxiety to just admit it. Humbling myself enough to admit that I have some problems created completely by me, has been an incredible first step. So you are on the right track - listen to what God is telling you. He doesn't want you to hold up a perfect image for others to see. He wants you open up and show how He is working in your life.

Now, please remind me of that when I need to hear it again, too :) Praying for you.

Sunflower Faith said...

Oh wow....are you sure you're not writing about me?

I can relate not just to the whole post, but also where you shared, "My problem is the fact that I don't know how to ask for help. I will take on so much and don't know when to say no. If I see something that needs to be done, I will do it..

I'm so use to just keeping my chin up and taking care of myself, because:
1. I don't want to burden anyone
2. I feel like I come across weak
3. I don't want to come across as weak
4. How do I ask for help

It feels easier to just do it myself than to go, "Hey I need a hand in this".

Thank you so much for sharing this and the sheer honesty....

I need to check out Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood too

And re: my past Saturday post..."I promise too"

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Alberta, Canada
I'm a 39 year old (oh yeah I'm telling you my age) Stay at Home mom. A former Bad Girl now reformed sinner, I'm married to my Y2K guy and raising 3 great children from God. Proudly Canadian, however, missing the West Coast, I currently live in the prairies watching the farmers fields produce as I learn how God produces the fruits in me.

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