Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Inside Out

This is how people see me:

No, really.  I have been told many times by some of my friends that I am one of the most organized people they know.  But as we all found out, not everything about Martha was a "Good Thing".

Before I moved, I had a great conversation with one of my Babes.  We were talking about an acquaintance who had told her that my house was immaculate; never dirty and she didn't know how I did it.  Wow, she should have been there when we were cleaning and moving furniture.  I hate to admit that there were some serious 4 year old dust bunnies hiding under some of the furniture. 

This is really how I look:

ok on the inside....

I have been going through some issues and struggles lately.  I've tried to persevere in faith and I've headed out on my own expeditions.  You can easily guess which one was better.

There have been a lot of changes in our lives, as many of you are aware.  The most obvious being the move and what that entails.  But there has also been the loss of dreams and the awareness of what autism means for our family.  I believe God lead this move to strengthen our family, but sometimes I get into my own pity party where I just question and cry  out "WHY ME!"  I was the one people came to.  I'm  the one they think of as strong.  I'm the one who people see as having it all.  Do you see the problem?

Is it about God or is it about me?  This weekend I was hit with it by our Pastor's sermon on the 7 woes in Matthew 23.  I've been too consumed at what others see of me - my family, my friends, my church, the world.  I've let everyone see my facade, my white washed tombs. (Mt 23: 27-28), but I haven't shown them my authentic self.  I've even tricked myself in believing that God sees the facade.  Unfornately for me, He sees to my heart.  

But there is hope.  Hope for me.  Hope for all.

“O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing. Matthew 23:37

He still wants us.  He is longing to gather us and care for us.  He wants us to come to Him and let go of all of our facades.  To be messy and authentic with Him.  To humble ourselves to His will and let Him do His good work in us. 

I'm linking up today with some very authentic women at Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood at Finding Heaven.


Jen said...

This is pure beauty, Michelle. I'll take your authentic self over the facade every day of the year. It is in our messes and our brokenness that we can help each other stand and lay claim to the promises that He has given us.

kendal said...

hard to admit we aren't perfect, huh? but what freedom when we can....

Tiffini said...

His hand is moving your heart friend...i'm of the mind set lately that I want to just throw out the window all the junk about what others think of us...in american it is running rampant and i honestly want off you?:)
i'm learning that when i am real..it makes people uncomfortable. most people seem to interested in the feel good stuff..i can be too because it takes the mind off of the hard and broken things.
you are heading in the right direction friend...i'm walking alongside


I pray that God meets you in a surprising and sweet way right in the midst of your disappointments and pain.

My sweet friend, Anne, always says, "God meets me right where I am, not where I pretend to be."

So your honesty is refreshing.


Anonymous said...

Have been working on breaking down my own white-washing...and I appreciate that I am not alone, both in not being perfect and in being loved by the Only One who is :)

My daily walk in His grace! said...

Hi Michelle - My daughter is dating this guy whose triplet 16 yr old brothers have autism from mild to not so mild. Because of this my daughter dropped out of uni studying law to train to be a tutor for autistic children. The mom of these 3 is very highly regarded here because of all she has been through she has designed diets, programs etc and now does this specialized training. Would you like me to forward an email address. I'm sure every resource is worth a look?

I'm not so good at appearing ok, when inside I'm cracking. I tend to stay away from people then, which I suppose is just another way of showing a facade. And great encouragement

Great post, Michelle.
God bless

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Alberta, Canada
I'm a 39 year old (oh yeah I'm telling you my age) Stay at Home mom. A former Bad Girl now reformed sinner, I'm married to my Y2K guy and raising 3 great children from God. Proudly Canadian, however, missing the West Coast, I currently live in the prairies watching the farmers fields produce as I learn how God produces the fruits in me.

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