Friday, August 26, 2011

Caffeinated Randomness - I'm On the Outside Again

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I was a social loser in high school.  Many people I now know are shocked when I tell them this.  They think I'm strong and confident.  They say I'm a leader.  I'm organized.  I have it all together.  That may be (ok, I really don't have it all together), but I was still a social outcast in school.  I was a member of the Library Club and fringe member of Student Council (I was one of the lackies).  I played Mrs. Lynch in our school's version of Grease.  I was a member of the Health Squad - a group in support of healthy lifestyles in our school.   Ironically, all my friends were smokers.  I had good grades.  I did not hang with the cool kids, nor did I dress like them, nor did I go where they went.  I went my own way.  I tread through the path less travelled and it was difficult.  I was tormented and ridiculed.  Because I chewed gum - a lot - the cool boys decided that it would be great to call me "Chewy" and not in a nice way.  In fact, a few years after high school while walking down the road, two of the boys referred to me as that.  It just goes to show that girls really do mature faster than boys. 

Now that I am adult, I pretty much am a leader.  When I struggled to find a Bible study group, I roped some friends into starting one.  When I wanted to do Big Cook, I again roped some friends into one.  I don't care what people think of me (ok, not too much).  I pretty am "a what you see, is what you get" person.  I'm loud and outgoing.  I'm a social butterfly.  I love to be part of a group.

Now you may be wondering where this is going.  I've become the outcast again.  No, no, not because of the move.  Even though until the fall, I have felt out of sorts here in town.  But on Twitter.  I have 131 followers (25% of which are probably people just wanting me to do business with them), but yet I can post a tweet and have no responses.  When we first moved, I suffered from depression for a while.  I tweeted that I could use prayer as I was struggling.  Only one person responded.  I'm not asking for a million responses, but I thought I had more twitter friends than that.  

It seems to me that I'm also an outcast in some respects because I don't homeschool, but send my kids to school.  I don't think this is a conscious division.  I have many homeschooling friends who I love to chat to.  But many of the tweets I see all have to do with homeschooling, or curriculum or organzation.  These are great things and I'm glad for my homeschooling friends.  My husband and I have made the decision that the kids will go to school.  I'm sure that if we homeschooled that we would do quite well.  I don't think, however, if we homeschooled that someone wouldn't get hurt by the end of the day and it wouldn't be me.  My children are just like me - independent.  They do very well when being taught at school and thrive in that environment.  It also allows me time to get things done around the house and spend time with the Tormentinator.  Once he's in school, I'll have to figure out what to do at that stage.  

The last reason that I feel like I'm an outcast is that I'm not going to Relevant 11 and I'm tired of hearing about everyone going.  Yes, it is pure jealousy.  When you see all the tweets about it, you can become resentful and feel left out.  I actually think this is regarding all the conferences that I miss out on.  I live in Canada.  We have one conference that I would probably want to go to - Blissdom.  This is held in Toronto.  The flight cost alone is almost $1000.  The flights to any where in Canada can get prohibitive.  It just is.  If there were a conference in the province where I live, I probably would go; but there isn't and it seems like most of the conferences I want to go to are all in the Southern States.  It is actually cheaper for me to fly to Europe than Eastern Canada or the Southern States.  That's it, we need to hold a bloggy conference in Europe and then I'll go.

I know I'm whining.  I really am not an outcast.  Twitter isn't how I value myself.  But I can see where social networking can lead to depression.  If you feel like being my twitter friend my handle is @lostinprairies.  That is if you can tweet with the social outcast I am. 

Come link up with your randomness today.

7 comments:

kendal said...

i created a twitter account, but then forgot about it. i think i have tweeted once. i'm with you on the idea that social networking can lead to envy and depression. i have hidden people on facebook because i coveted their activities....

Jen said...

If I was on Twitter, I would tweet you! I'm just on Facebook...

I hear what you are saying. I am one that doesn't like to miss out or feel like I've been left behind, either.

Lifting you up today!

Katharine said...

My friend...you are not alone! I sooo wanted to go to Relevant, but for the second year I am listening to everyone elses excitement... I only live an hour and a half from Toronto, but because of our move this year, we can barely afford to get to the corner...and so I wait. I do believe that God's timing is perfect, so I give these things to Him, and trust that when I can go it will be perfect...and maybe I will see you there and we can laugh about our plans not being His! As for Twitter, I have an account, and I may even be your friend, but I always forget to check it...

Andrea said...

Oh, hon can I point something out to you? All those people on Twitter are probably a thousand times more stressed because they feel they have to keep up with the expectations they have set up for themselves. Trust me, its not worth having to keep up with 125 people you don't even really know. You're cool with us, and that's what matters. :P

Besides, think of all the stuff you are actually getting done because you don't have to answer a million tweets every five seconds...

Lisa said...

I'm going to say a big "Amen!" to what Andrea said!

Erin said...

You ARE a leader! And I think a very cool person. It is quite lonely moving, I understand that too well. I will be praying for you. And I'm not on twitter and my own blog is non-existant. I do check FB when I can.

Sherri said...

The funny thing is that is partly why I started blogging was too find like-minded Christian women who through cyper space I could actually connect too.
Even funnier was years ago when I first started dreaming about adoption I purused all the adoption blogs I could find and I always thought that when we started our process that was when I would start to blog. Nope blog started but we havent officially started yet. Now fast forward several years and one of your 'babes' whom happens to be my cousin starts a blog and adds you as one of her friends, I hop over to your site and you had me hooked. God was/is working miracles through you and your writing. I have found many similarities between us and I have found myself connected to you even though we have never met. So alas I start my blog and I am able to reach out to other ladies.
Although sometimes it feels like we are swimming around in a pool of nothingness remember God is always by our side and he will always provide us with what we need.

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Alberta, Canada
I'm a 39 year old (oh yeah I'm telling you my age) Stay at Home mom. A former Bad Girl now reformed sinner, I'm married to my Y2K guy and raising 3 great children from God. Proudly Canadian, however, missing the West Coast, I currently live in the prairies watching the farmers fields produce as I learn how God produces the fruits in me.

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