Friday, March 4, 2011

Caffeinated Randomness - The Ice Fog


I have a confession.  One that I alluded to in yesterday's blog.  One that I've alluded to in Twitter and in Facebook.  I've been under an Ice Fog - both literally, emotionally and spiritually.  As I told a friend:  "There is not enough coffee or chocolate to get me out of it." 

The last two weeks the temperatures around here have dipped as low as -48C with the windchill.  Add to that a few snow storms and you can imagine what it feels like around here.  It's too cold to go out.  It's continually white.  I like snow when it first arrives, it cleans everything up.  However, after three months of continual snow, its overwhelming and drab.  Even the sunny days are horrible, as it seems the sunnier it is the colder it is.  There's no warmth, no colour and no escape. 

A week ago kids had one week off from school.  It also happened to be one our coldest weeks this year.  I was housebound with the kids and it was too cold to do anything.   The kids were bored and irritable and I felt cornered.  It was only time when something was going to give and it was me. 

Emotionally, we've been on the moving roller coaster.  I had forgotten how stressful that could be.  From looking for a new house to preparing our house for sale.  The emotional strain of telling people your moving and having to tell it over and over and over and over ......  There's the meeting with the realtors to value your house.  There's travelling to viewing homes the town we are moving to.  There's the mad dash to declutter and clean and finish all those projects started and not yet completed.  Then there's the packing and that one I don't even want to think about just yet.  

We're almost ready to list the house, which once done will be good.  The stress then will be keeping the house prepared to show.  I've done it before and I know I can do it again.  It will just mean that I'll have to following the tormentor..I meant toddler around and clean up whatever he gets into immediately.  This may actually help my exercise routine.

This all leads to the spiritual fog I've been under.  I know some of it is my own fault.  The clinging to control and trying to rely on my own and not trusting in God to take care of those things that I don't want to let go.  The mispriotizing God in my life.  I have been participating with the Hellomornings ladies through Inspired to Action.  During this time I've been reading my bible for the Bible in 90 Days challenge.  One problem.  I'm reading my bible and I'm doing my study in the mornings, but I'm not praying like I had been.  It's like I've been learning more about God, but ignoring my relationship with Him at the same time.  

All this was finally pressed upon me this weekend.  The fact that I need to STOP!  Stop ignoring my relationship with God.  Stop and rest when I need rest.  Stop and ask for help and not trying to do it all on my own.  Stop whining about the weather and just deal with it as it isn't going to change unless Global Warming happens in the next day or two.  

I've started reading Get Out of That Pit by Beth Moore.  Because this is exactly where I've landed in a cold snowy emotionally debilitating pit.  I can actually feel myself sliding down further when I struggle to get out on my own.  But this last week I've been asking God to reach out.  Today while reading Lamentations (I know I'm a day behind), I read :

I called you're name, O Lord, from the depths of the pit.
You heard my plea:  "Do not close your ears to my cry for relief."
You came near when I called you, and you said, "Do not fear."
Lamentations 3:55-57

This is what I had been doing for the last week.  Crying out to God for help.  Crying out for guidance.  For a hand to lead me out of the pit that I was in.  And He answered.  Do not fear.  Trust me.  It is was in the words I had been reading but not really digesting.  If you feel like you're in the pit or about to slide into the pit, don't be scared.  He is there with you.  Trust Him, He will provide a way out.  It may not be immediately, but it will come if we trust.


Aurie said...

Oh my....first, I can't imagine still having snow and ice. Then to be trying to pack/move - whoa. That's a lot my friend!

Praying for focus and strength for you! {and warmer temps!!}

Anonymous said...

I think, friend, that you need to cut yourself some slack. You have a tendency to do too much, and then when you are too hard on yourself when you can't keep up. God knows exactly the place you are in right now, and He will give you the strength you need to get through it. But that may also mean you have to give up a few things in the meantime to get through it. It might mean putting your extra reading on hold, or loosening your schedule so you don't feel so overwhelmed by deadlines. Doing so won't make you a failure - it just makes you smart. ;)

Also, you know where I live if you need anything. Especially coffee.

Coffee and a Mop said...

Cute blog! I just found your link over at Its Grace. Take Care :-)

It's Grace said...

Sweet friend..I am so sorry you're going through such a difficult time. You do have a lot on your plate, and it's natural that some things will slip.

I don't want to sound like I'm candy coating or overlooking the depth of your stress and frustration...but I just KNOW you're going to come out on the other side of this refreshed and feeling blessed. And, God is going to take this entire experience and use it for good.

Praying for you, and wishing I could give you a HUGE HUG right now.

Thanks for linking up for Saturday.


Prudence said...

oh brrr, I just came from Erin's link up at it's grace. Our house is for sale too, and I have 5 kids, the teenagers are actually worse than the toddler as far as trying to keep the house clean for showings goes!! Good luck to you! or should I say God bless you!

~Rain``` said...

I understand. Last summer was INSANE trying to sell, buy, move, and then settle in (still doing that!). And I agree with Andrea. Often we are harder on ourselves than God. Be willing to consider new ways to seek Him in the midst of the chaos.

Tracey said...

Girl...I have moved seven times, once during a blizzard I SO GET what you are saying. There is victory on the other side - I just prayed for you! Sometimes when we are in our deepest valley's God teaches us the most...I pray that for you! Also - force yourself to agree to things being done "good enough" and not perfect! I have shopped for enough homes and sold enough to know that people want to see neat and clean...but not perfection! My like silly...and it lightens the home! You are halfway to victory because you recognized you were in the pit! Good for you sister friend! Big O Hug and many blessings!

Jennifer @ Studio JRU said...

I love what Andrea said... "it just makes you smart"... well said Andrea! Glad to hear... "And HE answered." Amen! Stopping by from Erin's Saturday Shout Out. :)

Cary at Serenity Farms said...

Michelle, thank you for being honest in your recent blog posts and not trying to sugar-coat your real world! Praise God, too, that you have reached out to Him...I'll join in with your other friends in praying for you and your family and all of the situations you are facing that make you stronger and grow you in Grace. God Bless you! By the way, we still have snow and ice here at the farm but I'm afraid I am one of those odd people who love it. I'm looking forward to spring, but not all of the hard work involved with it (living on a farm)

Bobbie said...

I was in your same spot last week but without the snow and ice since we live in south texas. But the good news is that our house is now listed for sale and I've been able to keep it spotless even with a toddler. The thing that I've learned the most is that I'm not a messy person. Growing up I was always told I was messy so I believed it as an adult and never tried to keep my house spotless. Now I've been able to do it easily for a week and I'm enjoying it. So I know now that I am not what others lead me to believe I am. Get rest. You deserve it. :)

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I'm a 39 year old (oh yeah I'm telling you my age) Stay at Home mom. A former Bad Girl now reformed sinner, I'm married to my Y2K guy and raising 3 great children from God. Proudly Canadian, however, missing the West Coast, I currently live in the prairies watching the farmers fields produce as I learn how God produces the fruits in me.

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